Going to a Sex Shop

“I have never been to a sex shop!”

Believe it or not, this is not an uncommon statement from my sex therapy clients. I have encountered that the folks looking for support often have never been to or never shopped for sex toys. 

The reason for this?: Lots of folks do not know how to approach the topic of sex, let alone enter a space in which they feel highlights their inexperience.

Hi, my name’s Flo (they/them) and I am a Marriage and family therapist. I specialize in sex therapy, non-monogamy, kink and bdsm. I have worked with folks new and seasoned in these spaces and have accumulated years of experience in the sex education industry. Today, I’m here to offer you a personal guide to your sex store experience. 

If you feel nervous or you just don’t know exactly what to do in sex store, here are some do’s and don’ts to make sure your first experience goes without a hitch:

DO: Share necessary information 

Find a sales associate/assistants’, ask for permission to share, and have them show you around. Assistants are there to help you find what is going to work for your body. Having worked at a shop, it’s helpful when folks let us know a bit about their situation so make sure to discuss any pain, allergies, preferences, and/or turn-ons!

If you’re feeling shy, treat it like a doctor’s office; sharing your personal information will not be used against you & it’s better to get a clearer picture than leave with incorrect information!

DO: Take your time 

There is no correct amount of time you can spend at a sex shop. Take your time. You should never feel rushed when looking for pleasure items. Folks in the sex shop are more worried about getting the right products than how long you have been in the shop. 

DO: Ask to see the demos 

Oftentimes, sex shops will have demo tables or demos behind the counters. If you are really curious about how a toy looks, how it’ll feel in your hands, or what the vibrations sound like, ASK!

Before touching the demos make sure you:

1) Sanitize your hands

2) Ask for permission

3) Don’t bend, pound, or break the demos

DON’T: Show up intoxicated

Most sex shops want to make the space as comfortable for the customers as possible. It may be intimidating to go to a sex shop but being under the influence can make communicating your needs a bit difficult.  

Not only that, sex shops are usually run by minimum wage workers and dealing with overly intoxicated folks is demanding and definitely not a task workers generally want to handle.

DON’T: Actually play with the toys

Don’t actually put the toys on your genitals or your mouth/face. We are still in a pandemic, and even if we weren’t, the toys displayed are not for you to literally (and un-consensually) use in front of the customers/workers.

DON’T: OPEN PACKAGING. 

There are plenty of display items for you to interact with. If there aren’t any on display, alert the assistant who will then potentially open the packaging for you, and provide sanitary equipment (gloves/sanitizer/wipes etc).

Lastly and I cannot stress this one enough,

DON’T: Yuck other folks Yums

Different people are into different things. 

Keep your eyes on your own basket & don’t judge folks for what gets them off!

We face enough sexual stigma outside of these sex shops. If you feel entitled to judge, take some time to think about why you feel the need to comment on other folks’ bodies, interactions, and choices. 

And that’s it! If you follow these steps, I’m sure your experience will be light and fun. If you find yourself struggling within the realm of sex and you need more guidance, I have a series of articles and guides available on my site. If you’re looking for something more personal, Schedule an appointment with me today. I specialize in kink, BDSM, non-monogamy, and sex therapy.