When Mindfulness Breathing isn’t Enough

We all get upset at some things, but I am sure we can all recall one moment in which we RAGED. A moment where being upset was not quite enough. Where you felt heat, tingles, or an itch, in several parts of your body. A moment  you knew you were going to lose it, and FAST. 

Imagine that feeling and then imagine someone telling you to breathe. I don’t know about you, but hearing someone tell me to breathe in the midst of the fiery red only makes me angrier. 

& That’s okay. Sometimes mindfulness breathing is just not enough. A lot of times we may need to physically move to release the rage. 

Hi I’m Flo Oliveira (they/they) and I am a Marriage and Family therapist. I often work with couples through infidelity, polyamory, kink, and bdsm. Occasionally there are moments where my couples are so wrapped in their cycles, my breathing interventions are simply not enough. They are wanting to be, or are, at full rage capacity. 

This is when I have to address the nervous systems’ fight response a little more creatively. Keep in mind that in light of recent research, physical expression of anger can lead to more aggression, and therefore certain strategies have to be carefully approached (see research here). This means the stomping, hitting, punching things approach can do more harm than good. 

If you’ve experienced this you may have a couple of these tricks down, but generally here are 5 things I recommend to my clients: 

1. Splash cold water in your face or touch ice 
2. Hum really loudly 
3. Tense and relax one muscle at a time 
4. Quickly but softly tap two areas of your body
5. Pick up five things of the same color in the room 

Although these items allow you to physically move, not just breathe, they do so in a way that prevents your brain from promoting aggression. Unlike smashing things, these coping mechanisms actually allow your body to feel relieved. 

If you’re finding yourself at rage capacity frequently and you are unable to regulate effectively on your own, I’d love to schedule a session with you. Whether alone or with your partner(s), let’s work together at Love Heal Grow Counseling – Schedule an appointment with me today).