So, let’s talk about the class we all should’ve had in high school, the one that actually told you what sex is, not just how to avoid getting pregnant. Welcome to Sex 101, LifewFlo style, inclusive, pleasure-centered, and myth-free.
First things first: sex isn’t something you do to someone. Sex is a shared experience with one or more people. Masturbation, digital sex, mutual masturbation; All of that is sex. So many things can be sex, and it’s up to each individual to define what sex means for them.
K–12 taught us that sex = penis + vagina and that sex = pregnancy. Wrong. Sex isn’t specific to genitals, reproductive ability, or STI risk.
Traditional sex ed told us: “Don’t get pregnant. Don’t get STIs.”
Real sex ed should add: Don’t get gaslit. Don’t get disrespected. Don’t get disconnected from your body. It should teach aftercare, normalize STI testing as intimacy, and show that communication is protection, too. We rarely get that advice, but here, you will.
Living as a queer, trans, Afro-Brazilian sex therapist and educator means getting used to not being in public school biology books. That’s why I’m determined to create accessible, inclusive, and comprehensive education for queer, trans, and polyamorous folks. I care deeply about my community, and my community deserves to feel safe when consenting to play. But safety requires being informed and we can’t get the education we need without foundational knowledge + the application of it.
So what foundational knowledge am I talking about? Well many of the foundational roads in our society lead back to colonialism. .
Colonization has shaped the way we view, interact with, and are taught about the world. It built the systems of patriarchy, ableism, and racism that still dictate whose pleasure is seen as valid or “normal.” Our pleasure, BIPOC, queer, trans, non-heteronormative pleasure, is an act of resistance against those systems.
Learning about colonization and working to normalize kink, queerness, curiosity, and so-called “non-normative” pleasure is liberatory work. Your curiosity isn’t something to suppress, it’s a form of radical healing.
You might be thinking, I can’t unlearn colonialism, I don’t even really understand it. That’s okay. Let’s start with something more familiar: purity culture.
Colonialism created a value system that prizes “purity.” In that system, purity means saving “it” (virginity) for marriage, being faithful to one person, and avoiding anything “taboo” or “obscure.” Virginity itself is a construct, one that says purity is more valuable than having sex how you want, when you want, and with who (or what) you want.
The funny thing is, if we were actually taught that sex can be explored, discussed, and done safely, we’d have a lot more curious, consent-oriented, and body-literate people in the world. Putting that into practice can look like:
- Asking what feels good — for yourself or someone else
- Exploring different kinds of touch
- Using toys, lube, and play intentionally
Shifting from shame to curiosity leads to exploration. Normalizing that exploration breaks the chains of purity culture and challenges the roots of colonialism. BOOM! You just started unlearning purity culture. Keep challenging it, and you’ll keep unlearning.
Once you get to the “everyone deserves consensual pleasure how they see fit” you know you’ve done it. But for the sake of shortening this already lengthy article, take at least this: Pleasure = safe, sane, consensual fun/play/etc.
LifewFlo Sex Ed is about unlearning shame and redefining connection. If sex ed left you confused, ashamed, or disconnected, you’re not broken, the system is. Here, we’re rebuilding from the ground up, centering pleasure and liberation.
Next week, we’re diving into kink, pleasure, and how your body can teach you more about desire than any textbook ever could.
📘 In the meantime, if you need a beginner’s guide to sex ed, check out my guide [here].
Lifewflo 
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