Beyond Monogamy: Diversity in Sexuality, Desire & Open Relationships

Edward and Bella. Jim and Pam. Han Solo and Princess Leia. Harry and Sally. Yawn.

We’ve been told that love has one shape, one person, one forever, one path. But what if connection—like pleasure—was meant to be expansive?

What if we were able to say fuck that and move toward what really intrigues us and others? Don’t get me wrong, if you want to be someone’s Sally or Bella, that’s fine. But what about the tons of us who don’t? Who feel that there is no love represented that we actually connect to? What do we do when so many of us feel lost, left behind, and misunderstood?

Personally, being on “Team Jacob-Bella-Edward Polycule” didn’t bode too well for my friend group. Lol. Little sidetracked tangent about Twilight, but what I’m trying to say is this: diversity in sexuality is normal, valid, and isn’t just about rebellion. It’s about finding authenticity and alignment in relationships and dynamics that don’t have to look one way (i.e., mononormativity).

Before we get too ahead, let’s define a couple things:

• Monogamy: One partner, exclusive emotionally/sexually.
• Ethical Non-Monogamy (ENM): Any structure involving more than one partner with transparency and consent.
• Polyamory: Multiple loving relationships, not just sexual.
• Relationship Anarchy: Self-determined relationships guided by values rather than hierarchy.
• Mononormativity: The cultural assumption that monogamy is the default, superior, or “normal” way to love.

These definitions aren’t just words—they’re structures that folks align with and use to describe their relationships.

Colonialism introduced many of these terms as the right ways to exist and be in relationships, thereby building infrastructures that prioritize certain ways of living (particularly monogamy, heterosexuality, and Christian ideals). BUT what is often lost in teachings is that pre-colonial societies practiced openness, nonmonogamy, communal care, plural partnerships, gender/sexuality fluidity, and kinks! To understand how normal these cultures were for our ancestors, we have to decolonize our sex education. Decolonizing sex ed also means decolonizing how we define commitment, love, and fidelity.

An example of this is challenging the commonly spread misinformation that “open relationships fail because of jealousy.” For some, that can be true—just like in some monogamous relationships, jealousy can lead to their end. But overall, purity culture has created the myth that open relationships don’t work because people are “not built that way” or shouldn’t “feel jealousy.” News flash, folks: jealousy is a normal human emotion that no relational structure can help you avoid. You will feel jealous—but will you learn how to communicate and ensure it doesn’t end your relationships?

Anyway, before we get too off track and I sit here reteaching the ways of jealousy and human emotion, let’s tackle some myths straight up:

• “Open relationships are just about sex.” → They’re about autonomy, honesty, and intentional connection.
• “People in open relationships can’t commit.” → They often over-communicate and build deeper trust.
• “Polyamory is for people who can’t choose.” → It’s about abundance, not indecision.
• “Jealousy means it’s not working.” → Jealousy is data, not failure.

No single person is the same. We are all fluid beings (literally made up of water lol—bad pun). But seriously, our identities, personalities, sexualities, and genders are all fluid. One day you can wake up feeling introverted, horny, and girly; another day you might wake up extroverted, maybe still horny, but genderless. There is no blueprint or exact formula. Humans just are and will continue to be fluid.

In my work, I address this fluidity in all aspects with a welcoming, loving, and caring mindset. You come as you are. There is no judgment on who, what, where, or why you want to be the way you want to be. I hold space for that fluidity whether it is in therapy, coaching, friendships, or even if you’re a stranger.

I wonder: how would you, the reader, approach these relationships? How would you react if someone came out to you with any of these structures? What would your relationship look like if you designed it based on your values, not your fears?If you’re having a hard time answering those, look no further. Here is my link to a non-monogamy workbook that walks you through opening up—if that’s what you desire. Get it HERE